'Are you Ok using scissors?'
She asks me as If its perfectly normal a question to ask a 23 year old.
'...uh...Yes.'
I should of there and then started stabbing the paper with the closed scissors screaming 'I CANT DO IT, HOW DOES IT WORK!?!?!?' and then crumbled on the floor sucking my thumb.
But I wont let society get to me, hey at least I'm getting paid for being patronised to crazy by this women.
So good news I guess, I got a job.
Bad news is everything else that its not really a job but a temp job, it pays less than a sweatshop in Vietnam and it pretty much is as challenging as beating Gordon Brown in a footrace.
So its a job in a library (which I wont mind) but its a childrens library and one that doesnt have any people as they ship there books out to schools instead for curriculum or something. So its dead quiet all day with no activity and extremely dull but at least there are no kids I guess.
I work with three women- one a women who must of been a local tv weather girl 40 years ago because all she does is talk about the weather in all its forms, another seems to have given up the ability to speak so just murmurs inaudible sounds once a week and the third is my supervisor who asked the scissor question and continuely acts like I am a brain damaged monkey but in a very passive aggressive and friendly kind of way (shes a real life Nurse Ratched from Cuckoos nest if I'm gonna compare).
My first day my supervisor gave me a happy friendly training session on how to push a book trolley... for 15 minutes (I really earned that 40p an hour I tell you). My job consists literally of putting returned books back on the self, putting the code stickers on the books (but not inputting the data on the computer system because my supervisor thinks data entry is too complicated for me) and finally using my lunch break to go to the bathroom mirror and stare at myself and wonder what the fuck I am doing with my life.
But hey at least I got my looks... which mainly consist of my bored look at the moment
And working in a childrens library has its one good thing in that I can see exactly why kids are so screwed up and society is crumbling.
Most of these books are insane, completely insane, here is a few of my favourites-
Shakesphere written street- were in the end Romeo goes off on a weekend with his best mate Dave to nottingham, only to leave his phone on the charger so he misses the text message from his drug dealer telling him Juliet is not really dead. Stricken by mourning for his loves death he kills himself with a flick knife to death whilst listening to 'Umbrella' by Rihannia on his Ipod.
'Death'- in which Rogers Grandma dies but she goes to heaven and everyone in his family has a party and Roger gets a Sega Megadrive and he is happy and forgets why he is sad.
'Stop Bullying' -In which Frederick is told by his teachers to confront his bullys so he does by by staying 'Stop Bullying me' to a group who want to beat the shit out of him...and they do (Its that simple..I wish I knew) and they all become friends and get ice cream (Frederick pays).
But my favourite of all without doubt is one for kids to be educated on same-sex marriages, it is my favourite because 15 years ago Bill Hicks, the great comic, talked about these exact books and I just thought it was a joke but they actually exisit.
'Daddy's New roommate'- In which Sam's Dad gets a new roommate and Sam is puzzled by why they sleep in the same bed and why the roommate Jake loves Disney so much.
'Heathers Two Mummies'- Bill Hicks was right, it is a great read and on page 4 they are hugging- its a beautiful thing I think.
But in all honesty, these crazy viewpoints on life and completely diluted and distorted dipictions of real life can only make kids completely unprepared for life in every way and I worry for them.
Well I would, if I didnt have to deal with my own problems right now of another 3 weeks in this place.
Buy hey boys dont cry.
They drink.
