I was walking, crawling was not the done thing tonight, vodka makes me run around with no place to go and this was no different. The world had become indecisive, rocking from side to side as I try to walk on down this slippery wet pavement in the nighttime.

'mAKe Up yOuurr mINd, WorLd'

I stutter out of my mouth as I walk in a vain attempt to calm the earth beneath me as it makes up its mind on where to settle its position. I become angry at this ground for picking this time to be swaying so much, after all my vodka binge had made me uneasy myself, but my outburst seemed to have irritated the earth so it swayed now with new intensity so I knew that I should shut my mouth rather than try to reason my misfortunate at the worlds bad timing.

But for now, this was no time to be alarmed by my walk, I was escaping and had to keep my fragmented mind in check so that this time was a success, back to my lodgings in a flat was my only destination.

For tonight brothers and sisters, the society had changed, I once held on to my firm judgement that the pub was a place of human interaction but with rugby fever gripping the nation apes began to rule. As I stood with my triple vodka as my only mode of conversation, long swinging arms began to hit me at every corner and mass squeals and screams ignited around the room at my lighting of a cigarette, apparently these apes had never seen fire before and it alarmed them.

I snubbed my cigarette so not to traumatise them more and sneaked slowly to the bathroom, I assumed they would be barracking the main doors soon enough to hinder my escape so they could capture my fire, the vodka to the best of my knowledge had not kicked in yet but I was sure the whisky was settling as I was able to fly for the briefest of moments through the window, the dam dirty apes had not gotten me yet but for how long would they believe I was in the bathroom for? I needed to walk away quickly (I would have run but I think it looks uncool).

I walk through the endless maze of a main street and stumble across a merchant of some kind lying on the floor.

He states that he is less of a home and in a whirl of optimism I say that he should be ok if he had 5 homes he should be happy with 4 that he has now, but he seems irresponsive to my cander and a silence grows between us.

But in the mood of danger set upon by the dangers of the apes, we humans must stick together so he offers me a bottle of liquid.
At 20 pounds, I feel assured of its quality and take his offer before he changes his mind.

This is when as walking in my new found fortune drinking my newly acquired vintage bottle, did the earth get indecisive and my escape becomes ever less likely.

But after an hour of trying to sway in time with the world to regain a sense of walking straight making me nearly be run over three times, My house was in sight.

But aghast I went as i walked, an ape run up to me. My alarm was great as I knew my time was up, they had found me and more would soon be here.

' whattttchaaasse dddooiinhfgjgggg noooowwwwww, comjghjgjgmeeee hereeee'
he laughed.

after a few moments of marveling at the money I can make with a talking ape, it was suddenly taken from me as he punched me in the stomach and then I knew he would not be able to be tamed and trained for commercial use so my dream was taken.

Suddenly he grabbed at my pockets and took my wallet, how a primate would know I hide my money there is a mystery I will always hold, but then I ran away in alarm but with little harm done as an ape can surely not understand the concept of money.

But in my panic and screaming, I angered my old enemy the indecisive earth who in a fit of rage swerved a brick wall in my paniced path and then darkness.

I then wake up in my old room in my kansas, the jail cell, was it all a dream? Best not to sleep for a month or so. Hopefully the planet of the apes will be gone by then.........hopefully!!!

Change is a difficult thing, who really wants to change themselves, it would mean that you dont think yourself and thats hard to swallow. I don’t see the point of changing its not like I’m significant enough or any change would really matter.

Every time I sit in a room with people I just can’t help thinking that one day everyone in this room will be dead one day, just ash and dirt. It doesn’t take that long either, probably one hundred years and 99.9% of the population will be gone.

Then I fantasise what if just one cup of tears was cried for each person on average by relatives and friends then that would be like two billion galleons of tears, probably enough to make a huge lake of sorrow.
And then I just think if life is so short and there is so much misery surrounding it, what difference could it possibly make that me, one insignificant part of the slow hundred year extinction of every thing that at this very moment is alive on this planet would want to change in the slightest.

So why dont we just all raise a glass and fucking enjoy are time, whoever you are.

To the strangers I dont know, which are most of you because I pretty much drink with 4 people and after a night goes further down the bottom of a whisky glass and back up to the top again, I forget them too.

My name is Patrick Broadstock, I am 22 year old, I smoke too much to live much longer and drink too little to be happy in that short time.

I am married to the siren I used to hear sing in my dreams, she came into my life a year ago in a camden dive bar. Of all the places I thought I would find a creature of greek mythology it certainly wasnt there.

But I shall not complain or try and analyse the fortune I get, for once in my life I have found love.

I never used to believe in love, I thought it was just an excuse for everything, an illusion thought up to justify a person actions. A society we have is completely bulit on seeking carnal pleasures seems too hard to swallow so it creates this Idea of love, some end to justify the means. People can then pursue any fucked up pleasure they desire guilt free because they are following some path or wahtever, Maybe its just me.

But know that Im in love with a beautiful girl I cant complain just feel bad for the desdain I gave others I guess.

And maybe feel happy in myself too which is different maybe it all comes from the simple act of saying 'i love you' and I should probably say it more.

(I love you Whisky, I love you Cigarettes)

Oh, it didnt work, Gonna have to go now and make the whisky and cigarettes disappear before the morning awkward conversation.

Goodnight and good luck,

PB

Nowadays Im so scared of cancer that I only smoke the packets with 'Smoking can endanger your baby' on the label, its far safer this way i think.
I know its not what people want to hear, it probably seems ridulous to them but heres my truth, i love smoking.
Non- smokers die too by the way and as soon as july 1st smoking ban comes along, im pretty sure that Im gonna smoke even more than i ever did before because pretty much im happy in my smoking, of all the people who i want to give it advice on how i live its certainly not the government. Im fucking over the moon everytime i light my first of the day with my strong coffee and watch the sunrise, the visual delights of the new days suns casual light flickering and flaring across the green fields and dancing around the smoke rings I blow out. I dont know any non smokers who start the day in such a beautiful way.

Ever feel like you are being cheated?

Sitting in a candlelit bar of jazzy music and sophiscated olive snacks.
She says, 'Lets go, I need to pee and have sex.'
What is a guy to do but finish his drink real slow.
These moments don't come along that often, its best to savor them for as long as you can.
So you drink it slow, sip your drink then a cigarette then a sip and take in her desperation, the kind you understood the whole of your life, the teenage boy inside of you.
The desperation never goes away even into adulthood, it just matures, you get more secretive, more cunning at hiding the schoolboy routine of masturbation and a head full of a white bedroom alined with loose girls of varying shapes and sizes and likes all begging for you and you alone.
But this isnt a fantasy but reality so it happens just once in a lifetime. And it is not the same as when you are a teenage boy.
Back then you are innocent, arrogant and sure you can handle yourself in the minefield of sexual encounters.
Why would you think otherwise?
There is no knowledge of premature ejaculation, being soft, split condoms, lost condoms, passing out from drunkeness, the morning after ugliness and regret, the unanswered text messages, the silent walks past each other avoiding eye contact and worst of all the occasional times when your emotions flair and fire encircling your thoughts around a girl. Then your teenage boy ideals are lost, you are in love, and its too much for him to handle so you lose your sense.
So by the time many years later that you finally get your schoolboy fantasy, you are at too much of a lose to go through with it. You drink your drink slow and savor each cigarette one at a time.
You stare at the beautiful women who has had your desperation for an hour andyou smile.
Maybe they will finally understand you, maybe this can be the one who you are with always because now and maybe for the rest of your lives you can share your teenage desperation together.
But as she goes to pee she leaves you, she fucks the bartender in the toilet and you wait. You wait and you wait for her to return, you wait for too long beyond reason and logic because your teenage boy inside you is getting more and more desperate, more and more loud and franic for the hour you had when the tide had turned and you were at peace.
She does not return and you leave walking through the midnight steets holding hands with your teenage boy.

Down to the club to where the peacocks dance

Choose from the many ones and take a chance

try to act it cool but don't get no sign

walkaway as they say better luck next time

now waiting in the queue for the bus

Is there something between us?

You ask me to pass the whisky

i get up the courage to ask you to kiss me

Now time for the old in out in out

They say its the best game about

Shake the faith of a girl in two minds

made easier after tequila and limes

We dont love each other

more common every stay

Sneak out early for the brightness of a new day

Whats the use in this youth abuse

maybe after a few more times i'll find the truth

So theres me and Johnny Cigarettes in some dirty booze brothel sinking some of the good old black and white stuff. Fighting words and racist banter are whispered quietly these days but here they are sung at the top of peoples voices as the grey mist of smoke shrouds people morals and the beer bubbles loosen their mouths.

'I think im in love'

johnny always can surprise and he aint got more shocking than that. What a place to declare love, intention must be known.

'I saw this girl a week ago, her hair was long and her face beautiful. These eyes that seem wider than her whole body just shined at me like a sirens call. I had to approch her and pursue, temptation and excitement forcing my every movement and thought, and for the rest of the day thats what i did following her around the whole city. By nightfall over the river, we were in each other arms like old lovers embracing. Im fucking whole now man, she is this divine creature thats dancing inside me always, filling me with this fucking glee to skip around forests and rivers, its real this time, fucking real.'

I cant believe im friends with someone who talks like this, these fucking Greeks are always too romantic about the world and i needed to end it.

'Your Fiancee wont be happy johnny'

And with that the conversation is dead and the world spins again in normality. In civialisations through the ages, they rise and fall, evolve and unevolve, build and destroy but this one lies stationary, unmoving, asleep and its all conquering.
A society solely built on hedonism with the illusion that there is an ultimate goal out there of love.

I think i missed that class, the one that taught everyone how to say 'I love you' so easily. I guess i missed out because i find it dam hard. Maybe its the romantic Irish in me but didnt it used to mean something, anything.

Johnny cigarettes will alway say hes in love to deny his morals once more the argument that he had a choice on cheating on his fiancee.

But how can you judge a guy who is a product of a society gone AWOL. He is far from unique, there are more like him than most but that doesnt mean his activities are less excusable. Hes a dangerous guy in a distorted way and if i could stop him i would but thats impossible so we just carry on drinking through the night and smoking 2 lighters worth of cigarettes, stationary, unmoving, asleep and its all conquering.

Ever feel like you are being cheated?